Spiraling

Not a doctor–just my stories

I was watching a Mike Birbiglia comedy special. He does a bit where he has a fight with his girlfriend is late to catch a flight for a gig, misses the flight and starts pacing the stage.

His career is ruined, he will never get married he will be old, alone and friendless and then he says he can feel the cancer forming in his body.

He went from missed flight to death in a minute, I had my husband watch the bit and said that is how my brain works sometimes.

He just looked at me and said very sincerely, “Why would you think you would get cancer from missing a flight?”

Exactly

Dinner with my sis, bro-law and hubby. My bro-law mentioned wanting to jog and asked my husband if he wanted to try. I piped up that my hubby has high blood pressure and is slightly overweight and if he runs he could hurt his knees, shins or have a heart episode.

My sister turned to me and said “You realize you just killed him off in thirty seconds and we are just having a conversation. ” She knows me better than anyone and we are open with each other. Fight or flight from imaginings can feel as real as an event when you have panic or anxiety.

The funny thing is when the real stuff happens I rise to the challenge. That gives me comfort. I also have been going through this for so long I can spiral back up. Just wish I could control my mouth and not have embarrassed my husband (who wasn’t he’s awesome)

D–